Quote:

O my Lord, if I worship you from fear of hell,
burn me in hell.
If I worship you from hope of Paradise,
bar me from its gates.
But if I worship you for yourself alone,
then do not withhold your eternal beauty from me.

– Rabi’ah al’Adawiya,
Muslim & Sufi mystic poet; she was born in Basra, Iraq
(717 - 801 CE)

music

music sounds differently when it comes from the back of my car while I’m driving down the highway at dusk mid fall.
as though there is a band in the backseat, inspired by the view that we are sharing;
out of the front window at the road unfolding before us;
out of the side at the skeleton trees--leaves clinging to the branches--next to the full trees of winter, about to enter their season;
and out of the back at the wisps of clouds, illuminated by the orange setting sun.

November 2000

Hopefulness

You don't realize the wall you'd constructed around yourself until it begins to crack.
The ramparts you had raised in defense, every new stone laid with every instance you felt faith broken, defensive placements of cynicism against the rhetoric used against you.
All 'round-about you the wall rose higher and higher until you'd enclosed yourself in bitterness against a culture that had seemingly purged you from its midst.
But when the cracks begin to appear you realize how high the wall had become.
And when the cracks grow and spread the width and height of your enclosure--as it begins to crack and crumble--you are struck by the raw emotion of hopefulness.
Like fresh air or rain or sunlight striking you, newly revealed from behind your defenses, it reminds you by its very essence of its goodness and cleanses you of the stale feeling of confinement.
The joy of simply being included in the national identity is surprising, when you had long written it off as a mantle co-opted for exclusion, like the garb of ideological identity.
Oh it does feel good to be able to feel pride in your nation again.
It does feel good to be hopeful again.
I am of the US.

Arch Rock, Mackinac Island

Where I'd Rather Be

more snow

And this morning it snowed. Not the slow fat snow that collects and piles up so that you can make snowmen and angels, but the thick cold wet snow that pelts your exposed skin and saturates your clothes with moist-cold. Jump ahead thirty seconds and it has stopped, just the cold wind remains. Five minutes later, the snow returns, blowing relentlessly with a backdrop of blue skies in the distance. Is the weather this schizophrenic anywhere else but in Michigan? I thought it was still early October. Two little birds sitting on a car tire, shivering in the wheel well had the same misconception that I did. My favorite part of the scene are the smart people. You know the ones who, even though they see this icy weather, still dress for the seventh of October. "It is October so I will wear a t-shirt and jeans!" But now the sun is out, the ground is drying, we are approaching our high of 48 degrees, and the bluebirds are hopping around trying to pull half frozen worms from the frosty ground.

Fall 2000

Church Search

It's easy to find a church but more difficult to find a good church- no not good or bad but a spiritual home for me and where I am in my spiritual development and where I am on the path before me. It may be different for us, lets be open and know that I am at a different point that you, with different gifts than you and different struggles and hopes and dreams than you so what is good for you may not be home for me. Oh there are churches on every corner and block. There are the protesters and the Catholics and the non0denominationals of all types. No, you can't not find any church but to find a community, where you feel a part and not apart from those sitting in the pews keeping the cushions warm and staring straight, standing and singing all on cue but not from the heart, not from the gut, not from a place of spiritual vulnerability and hope and brokenness and joy and surrender. No, to find a church is not as simple as letting your fingers do the walking or surfing to a site or asking a friend. It takes a little walking and trying and trying again and direction and openness and guidance and patience. If you look for it, you will find that church that is not just a building or a social club but a community and a family and when you find it you will know before you even know and it will fit and it will be a home.